There are times you wish the ground could just swallow you whole.

Last week writing really helped change my perspective on the day, the week, and the rest of the day turned out to be quite happy.  I guess sometimes you just need to think about what it is, and reflect a little bit. 

I organized my own Erev Komuna (Komuna Night).  That was quite momentous.  I got so nervous right before, I felt like none of my ideas would work, that the other Komuna members' ideas were better, and that they wouldn't understand me at all... However, they loved it! I was so excited and happy, and relieved.  I used two of my creative writing class' activities and one from BBYO.  I keep telling myself, everytime I think "I really should have taken more AP's," that creative writing was one of the best life choices I ever made, for numerous reasons, as was Journalism.  Even if I don't end up going there career-wise, I think soul-wise they have affected me positively and educated me to a different side of myself.  Anyway, the activities: First everyone got a piece of paper and wrote their name on it and then we all passed the papers around and wrote nice things about each other (my worries: it's too American because it's so sweet and nice, they loved that and it was so refreshing for them to do something like this, it's too plain or overdone, they had never seen anything like it).  Second, I made them do a quickwrite.  I gave everyone a piece of paper and explained, try to release every thought that is in your head, clear your head onto the paper; everything that happened this week, this day, this month, anything that's been bothering you, good to you, anything at all, just capture a thought and follow it out until it is fully expressed, analyzed and emitted.  (I worried they would just hate this and have nothing to write, or they would talk and I wouldn't be able to control them)  They loved this too! Most were great and really seemed to be getting everything on their mind out, and the few who talked, I took as an opportunity to exercise my authority, it was funny and an able force.  Then I brought out the candle for what BBYO calls Good and Wellfare.  They even took the quickwrite idea a step further by wanting to burn what they wrote.  I can't imagine ever burning a precious journal entry of mine, but I guess it could be therapuetical. Well the Good and Wellfare I was most worried about, because I knew how it worked so well in the past, with JSZ girls, El Al girls, conventions... there was a type of formula, talk about school, boys, friends, family, life... here, we all lived together, we knew so much about each other and yet, as the night unfurled I realized there is always more to find out about someone.  That is why it is so detrimental to judge people, because there is always so much more underneath that is often hidden by layers of scars or issues... so much beauty that rarely gets a hint of open air.  It was a huge success, everyone just opened up a tiny bit more, and I hadn't realized quite how magical it is to be in a completely dark room with only one twinkling candle.  I told them only the one with the candle is technically in the room, and is hypothetically speaking to themselves, to a wall; I hadn't realized how true the feeling was, when you hold the candle you literally cannot see anyone else, and you feel as if you are alone, speaking a monologue of your deepest thoughts.  It is interesting also what people sound like when they are reciting their thoughts rather than speaking to you in a conversational tone, everyone has their own little persona inside their head that is rarely introduced to others, and here we were letting each other in.  It was great, and they told me I shouldn't worry so much, and should share more of myself because really I have so much to offer.