Day 3

Yesterday was interesting.  It is so weird feeling like a guest at your own home.  And visiting people, whom you haven't seen in 5 months, and knowing you won't be seeing them again for another 7 months... It added up to a tinge of nostalgia twisted with wonder at where you are and have been, where they are and have been, and a sense of missing them already.  It was most rewarding to me to find out which friends I did see or even just talk to and catch up for a bit.  I realized how fascinating and different each of my friends really are, and how much fun it is to see their different paths starting to be etched out towards their unfurling new lives, and that despite all the changes we've been through, and all the time that's passed between us we are still connected through a common love for this or that.  I love to see what connects me to each individual, and I love that it is a different sect of my personality each time.  I used to always envy the TV ideal of a classic "group" whom you do everything with, but now I realize it is so much more fun to have a random array of really close friends whom you love to do very specific things with, and that some overlap and some are completely opposite of one another yet all connect back to my eccentric and wide-spread personality.  

I feel like I've talked about myself way too much, so on to my day.  

I went to speak for the College Panel at Gunn, my old high school, this morning.  At first, I was terribly regretting having committed myself, and fidgeting with nervousness, yet I managed to control myself, and by the time I stepped into the room and saw all the other generous volunteers and various backgrounds each had had, I was more than excited to share my story and urge more students to be brave and take a Gap Year, rather than sticking to the same old, beaten path.  I truly felt proud to share my experiences and my work schedule; I finally remembered why I decided to take a year off, and how good it has been for me.  One other Gap Year graduate talked about how it really helped her separate the work under stress and work under self motivation and disciplined determination to seek what you need to accomplish your goals.  She mentioned a lot of "soul-searching" helped her start her year at Stanford with a lot more self-discipline and a lot more defined of a goal and a purpose.  I realized I feel the same, and I feel like my determination to begin studying and hopefully excelling at Architecture school has become much stronger and more defined.  I also have discovered what I really need to be happy - a good place to run, and perhaps a running partner and certain running goals such as public runs and races; a healthy diet and a disciplined eating/exercise structure; people to talk to that know what I am going through and have similar enough mind sets, and crazy ideas; people that appreciate and respect my crazy ideas; and more I have not yet had the time to think about and define.  I am really glad I did this, and feel refreshed and ready to head back and continue to make progress toward my new and improved self! Or old, more confident, seasoned, realistic, and highly-defined self. :)