Love.

I just wanted to say that I really, really enjoyed myself this week.  I loved the komuna feel of life, I loved each and every one of my komuna-mates, and I loved the work that was done.  I felt good, alive, fresh.  I realized what a good choice I made, and for the first time, I really felt glad that this is what I was doing with my time, that I didn't stay home, go to college, choose any other shape or form of a gap year.  I just feel so happy and in love with life right now.  I go running with Omer, or alone, but the place, while not as beautiful as Palo Alto/Los Altos Hills perhaps, has its own sort of beauty and a definite home-y feel to it.  I love what we choose to do in our free time, the dynamics between us and the energy within our relations and speech with one another.  I love it when I think hmmm, I wish I could join them in that crazy Grapefruit fight in the orchards at night, and do.  lol. Ok, so that was a specific instance, but it happened, I loved every minute of it, and it symbolizes both the spontaneity of the group and the newfound boldness with which I see something I want to do and I get up and do it, instead of watching in awe from the wayside.
I feel like they are really beginning to know the real me, and this was proven to me today in a meeting with our new advisor.  We did an activity in which she says a personality trait or komuna position (i.e. "the most artistic", "the most cynical", "the most healthy", etc.)  and we all have to go sit on the chair of the person whom we think fits the category.  I was very happy to find that they thought I was the most artistic, the most green, the most healthy, Liri thought I was the most friendly, or something like that, and there were a few other things I liked to find out... and some I also didn't.  For example, most stylish was Liad, which I agree with, but I commented later that I feel I don't dress as originally and interestingly here as I do at home, or did every day to school last year.  I said something about how I wish I did, but because I wear Khaki so often, and can never really decide what to wear on outings I just end up wearing very simple clothes and it does in some way affect me.  Then the advisor tried to say a few things, maybe because you come from this different American culture... maybe because... both times she failed at capturing what it was, but Amit Yamin kind've got it and then Amit Grebler pinpointed it, I feel unsure of how the komuna will take it, and find it hard to express myself fully.  It suddenly hit me that that is exactly what it is, and was so glad that the Amits got it, and knew or understood how I felt.  It was very refreshing, and I challenged myself to work on it more.  I also admitted that in my own family I am known as sometimes very harsh or mean even, and here I keep such comments to myself.  In my family my mom is often proud of this "sharpness," and I too like to say how I see things many times, and perhaps I can emit a cynical remark or two to set things straight and feel like myself. :)
I went to this seminar that the komuna recommended I go to, about general tzofim things.  It was for one representative from each komuna and I volunteered to go instead of Nitzan, because it sounded interesting.  The people who came I was quite skeptical about at first, but I ended up loving them all - actually all the guys, not so much the two other girls.  Amir was quite flirtatious, but I actually sort've have a miniature crush on him now, and it needs to stop.  lol. Alon was really funny, and I was so glad to finally meet the guy under the dreadlocks and without his gang, so it is really just him.  Assaf was really interesting and sweet. Quedar was sweet and sincere. And that's that.